


the ones who bloom in the bitter snow

by HuiLian



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Angst galore, But also, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, YeetDC2020, bruce lets him know that's NOT what he thinks in the end so there's that, from dick's pov so that's why there is SO MUCH guilt, minimal editing we die like mne, set in after bruce's jaunt in time so that should tell you everything you need to know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:15:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26270071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuiLian/pseuds/HuiLian
Summary: Dick knows that Bruce knows that he’s awake, but Bruce doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t do anything, not even grabbing Dick’s hand tighter.Is Bruce disappointed in him?He must be. Dick has done such an awful job. Putting on the cowl despite express instructions not to do so, failing to see the clues Bruce put up, letting the entire family go to ruins, making a mess out of Gotham, and allowing new villains to operate there. Professor Pyg. Dr. Hurt. Not to mention not being able to handle the rest of the rogues.Bruce must have been so disappointed in him. Dick should have been better, tried harder, worked smarter.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne
Comments: 27
Kudos: 145





	the ones who bloom in the bitter snow

**Author's Note:**

> hi! please accept this collection of strung-up words. the idea came and doesn't want to let me go, as is usual these days (does that mean I am a writer for real now? I used to have to search for prompts and now the prompts find me.....)
> 
> anyways, enjoy!  
> (title from hadestown!)

Dick wakes up to feel hands holding his own. His first thought is Damian, but they are too big for that. His second thought is Alfred, because who else can it be, but the shape of the hands is different than Alfred’s hands. 

Oh. Maybe. Was that real? Wasn't that just a hallucination? 

Dick decides that he is going to open his eyes. If it's a hallucination, he would rather he knows now rather than spend the entire day longing for that hallucination to be true. 

Slowly, Dick opens his eyes, already preparing himself to see nothing holding his hands. That was the case dozens of times before this, after all. But, it is not nothing that greets him. It’s the sight of black gauntlets engulfing his hands, and Dick’s breath catches. He lets himself hope it's not a hallucination. 

Dick's eyes stray from the gauntlet, moving towards the grey suit, unbelieving but hoping at the same time. The black symbol that lined that chest is real. The symbol is not real. The symbol is real. 

Is it real?

Dick forces himself to tear his eyes away from the symbol, going up and up, wanting to confirm once and for all that this is real. He hopes it's real. 

He doesn't dare hope that it's real. 

But then, the sight of Bruce’s face, lined and weary, but _there_ , greets him. 

Bruce’s face.

He’s here. He’s alive.

Dick wasn’t dreaming, then. He was so scared that the strong arms on his shoulders as they were fighting Dr. Hurt had been a hallucination, brought by the blood clots on his brain. 

Bruce is here. He wasn’t hallucinating. 

He’s here, and he’s alive, and Dick… Dick had thought he was dead. 

The elation at seeing Bruce crumbles in an instant. 

Why had Dick thought Bruce was dead? Why had Dick believed that so easily? Bruce is Batman. He should have known, should have deduced that Bruce simply won’t succumb to that omega beam. Bruce is Batman, and Batman… Batman always finds a way. 

Dick, on the other hand, can’t even figure out that Bruce is still alive.

What a failure he is.

What a horrible son he is. 

He is, isn’t he? Tim scours the world to find clues about Bruce’s whereabouts, or, as it turns out, whenabouts. Cass actually does what Bruce asks her too and moves to Hong Kong. Even Damian tries so hard to live up to Bruce’s expectations. 

And Jason? Jason tries his best, considering everything that has happened to him. 

Dick doesn’t have that excuse. He purposely undermined Bruce’s legacy, all because Nightwing wasn’t enough. Nightwing has never been enough. He knows it when he failed to save Bludhaven, and he knows it when Commissioner Gordon looked so disappointed when he answers the batsignal. 

Dick puts on the cape and cowl against Bruce’s wishes and he doesn’t even do a good job with it. 

Everyone knows he’s different. Everyone wonders if he’s as good as the original Bat. Everyone keeps testing him, keeps telling him that he will never live up to the legacy. 

If it was him that was gone, Bruce would have known. Bruce would have continued the search. He would have accompanied Tim all around the world looking for him. He would have never stopped trying.

Is Dick such an awful son, that he doesn’t even consider searching for Bruce? That he accepts Bruce’s death just like that? 

A good son should have tried. A good son should have exhausted all of his means to find his dad. A good son should have _accepted_ that his father is dead, just like that. 

Dick just… takes the news and believe it. He should have known. A body doesn’t guarantee that the person is dead, after all. Hasn’t he learned? Barry, Jason, Donna, Conner, even Clark. 

He should have known. He should have searched. 

Dick is a horrible son. 

Dick knows that Bruce knows that he’s awake, but Bruce doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t do anything, not even grabs Dick’s hand tighter. 

Is Bruce disappointed in him? 

He must be. Dick has done such an awful job. Putting on the cowl despite express instructions not to do so, failing to see the clues Bruce put up, letting the entire family go to ruins, making a mess out of Gotham, and allowing new villains to operate there. Professor Pyg. Dr. Hurt. Not to mention not being able to handle the rest of the rogues.

Bruce must have been so disappointed in him. Dick should have been better, tried harder, worked smarter. 

Dick opens his mouth, trying to find _something_ to say to Bruce, but he can’t find anything. There’s no excuse, is there? Dick should have been better. 

He should have been better. He should have been a better son, a better brother, a better crime-fighter. He should have been _better_. 

Why Bruce keeps believing in him, even after Dick has failed him, time and time again, Dick doesn’t know. 

Bruce is not going to believe in him anymore, not after this mess. 

The thought choked Dick’s throat. Bruce is never going to believe in him anymore. How could he? Dick is a failure. 

But the second Bruce hears Dick _crying_ , because apparently Dick can’t control even his own _tears_ anymore, he says, “Hey, hey, what’s wrong, chum?” 

It’s supposed to calm him down, Dick knows, but Dick starts crying even harder once he hears that voice. His heart clenched from the thought that he once believed he would never hear that voice again. 

Bruce doesn’t say anything more, but Dick can feel him stroking his hand. That single point of contact makes Dick yearns for more. He wants Bruce to put his hand on his head, he wants Bruce to hug him, he wants Bruce to _love_ him, but he knows he doesn’t deserve it. Not after his failures. 

Bruce probably knows too, and that’s why his dad is sitting so far out of reach. Bruce knows Dick doesn’t deserve it. This is probably just Bruce taking pity on him giving Dick this one last gift before Bruce retracts everything. 

It’s what Dick deserves. A horrible son, a lousy brother, an awful Batman; Dick doesn’t deserve Bruce’s love. 

But he wants it. Oh how much he wants it.

So, even though he knows he’s a failure, even though he knows that he should have known better from the beginning, Dick croaks out, “I’m sorry.”

The strokes stop. Dick closes his eyes. This is it. Bruce is going to tell him how disappointed he is at him. 

“What are you sorry for?” Bruce asks. 

He is going to make Dick spell it out, isn’t he? Bruce is going to make Dick say every single thing he has done wrong, and what he should have done instead. 

A whine bursts out of Dick’s mouth. He can’t do it. He can’t, he can’t. It’s bad enough that Bruce knows what a failure he is, but to make Dick _say_ it? 

Bruce probably knows that, and is making Dick say it so that Dick will never do it again. 

“I didn’t check,” Dick forces himself to say. “I should have tested everything instead of just relying on DNA and on Clark’s words. I should have seen your clues. I-”

“No, Dick,” Bruce interrupts. 

“No?” Dick frowns. Oh. Maybe Bruce doesn’t care what happened to him. Maybe Bruce wants to know about how Dick has failed Gotham, how Dick has failed his oath, how Dick has thrown Bruce’s legacy away. 

“I countermanded your orders,” Dick tries again. “I didn’t take control of the city fast enough. I let them regroup and gave them time to attack back. I shouldn’t have let Jason take the initiative and force my hand. I-”

“No, Dick,” Bruce says again. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Than what do you mean, Bruce?” Dick pleads. “I know I messed up, okay, I know I should have done better. But what do you want me to say? What do you want me to apologize for?”

“I don’t want you to apologize,” Bruce says, voice as gentle as an afternoon breeze and as deep as a valley. “There is _nothing_ for you to apologize for.”

“I-” Dick chokes out, unbelieving. What does Bruce _mean_ , there’s nothing to apologize for? Dick has _everything_ to apologize for. 

“ _Nothing_ , Dick. You did so well. So, so well.”

Dick gasps in a breath, feeling as if the weight of the world is lifted from his shoulders. He risks looking up to Bruce, and sees that Bruce means it. He actually _means_ it. 

“How?” Dick whispers. “I messed _everything_ up, Bruce.”

“No. You did so well. I am so, so, very proud of you.” 

Dick’s brain short-circuited. How could Bruce say that?

“In fact, _I_ am sorry,” Bruce says. 

Dick’s short-circuited brain just combust. What does Bruce need to be sorry for?

“I should have seen it coming. I should have predicted the fallout and done something to prevent it. I should have done something with Jason, just like I should have done something with Damian. And most of all, Dick,” Bruce puts a feather-light hand on Dick’s cheek, “I should have never, ever, put all the weight on your shoulders. It’s not fair to you.” 

“I-.” Dick swallows before starting again. “You couldn’t have known.”

“The fallout? Perhaps not. But I still should have done something with Jay. I should have done something with Damian. I could list everything I should have done, that you do so, so well, Dick.” Bruce’s hand on his cheek moves to stroke Dick’s face. “You did so well. Better than I would have done.”

“Oh,” Dick says, still not fully believing it. But he is willing to take those words and run with it, because the other option? The other option is not acceptable. 

Bruce hums while still stroking Dick’s face, in a way he has never done since Dick first moved out. Dick finds himself leaning to it, missing it even when he doesn’t know he has missed it. 

“Get some rest, Dick. You’re still healing from the surgery,” Bruce says softly. 

And really, with that, how can Dick resist? He lets the drugs he doesn’t even feel before, too preoccupied with his own mind, pulls him back under. Bruce is here. He is here, he’s alive, and he’s not disappointed in Dick.

He’s _proud_ , even. 

There is nowhere else Dick wants to be. 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> that said, I DON'T think dick is horrible, or a bad batman (just have to put this out there, because i wrote dick as such). this is from HIS POV, and as we all know, dick's propensity for guilt is extremely high. 
> 
> and with that, i bid you adieu! comments and kudos fuel me, and if you want to check out my tumblr, it's


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